Not Exactly What I Had in Mind

I write this post from bed rest....for after almost a week of crazy fevering, a visit to a hospital isolation room and enough blood work for the year....I was diagnosed with Mono. Yes, the teenager kissing disease has found its way into our home. While I am thankful that it is Mono and not some African parasite this is not exactly what I had in mind for our Autumn.

My last post mentioned our family transitioning into a season of settling in....it appears I spoke too soon. So, ordered to two weeks of bed rest with a preschooler and a newly adopted toddler our family of four once again finds ourselves at home together. We are so thankful that Daddy has a job he is able to be flexible with....and a grandma who is able to fly across the country to lend a hand while he gets things settled.

Once again our house has been flooded with food and baking....and man do we know how to pick friends who are good bakers! Once again people have brought us groceries and taken our son on "adventures". Our laundry has been done for us and our yard work completed. As I sleep most of our days away....and cuddle my kids in our bed the rest of the time we are being carried by an extraordinary community. We are blessed.

So while my favourite season passes by I watch it for the first time through the window of our bedroom. I am given the opportunity to reflect on just how blessed we are. Our children giggle in the hallway outside my door....they scream and fight occasionally too....meals arrive at our door and neighbours check in to see how we are doing. Even though this appears to be the season of the unexpected.....of illness and flooded basements...there is blessing in the unexpected. We have found ourselves in a season of needing others, of having to humbly accept the help we need. In return we have been shown incredible love. Maybe not exactly what I had in mind.....but it has filled my heart.

It Takes A Village

We have been home for three weeks. Tomorrow marks our entrance back into a "schedule". Daddy returns to work. The leaves are turning, the wind blows cooler, the seasons are changing. The last three months have had us on shaky ground. We have had to hold firmly to what we know to be true....and when we lost sight of that rely on those we love to remind us. There are few times in our lives that we have been more aware of the "village" that surrounds us.

To those who have prayed for us earnestly and reminded us daily of God's goodness. To those who have contacted the embassy and paved the way for citizenship. To those who have made us meals to fill our freezer and brought meals to our door. To those who have brought coffee and made grocery runs. To those who have rearranged our flooded basement. To those  who have done our laundry....and then folded it. To those who have so lovingly cared for a struggling little boy by bringing thoughtful gifts or spending special time alone with him. To those who met us at the airport and to those who were unable to but filled our doorstep with little blessings to welcome us home. To those who write encouraging emails, send thoughtful texts, or show up on my doorstep for a hug. To those who have flown or driven long distances to support us. To those who have helped with hair crisis, brought over a snack and some fellowship or made me laugh just thinking about the crazy things our kids do....we thank you. We cannot thank you enough. You have helped carry us. I know that some of you were uncertain.....you felt like you were stumbling to support us in this "foreign" territory of international adoption. You did well.

We continue to have times of struggle. Times in our day where we don't know what to do or how we are going to get through. But the seasons are changing in our house too. Things are settling and a new "normal" is starting to establish itself. We are getting glimpses that our little man is returning to himself. We are getting precious glimpses into who our little lady is.

The Truth of the Matter

We were greeted by some incredible friends and family.

Our little family has now been home for over a week. We are so grateful to be back on Canadian soil. To be able to embrace the tail end of summer. To have the incredible opportunity to have Daddy at home until the beginning of September. To be anticipating Mama's (Grandma) arrival to help us out. To be surrounded by a community to support us.....but the truth of the matter is.....this parenting thing....this adoption thing....it's tough.

I hesitated to write this blog. Afraid that the honesty conveyed within would be discouraging or appear to demonstrate some level of ingratitude. This is not my intention. We are deeply grateful for the opportunity to parent both of our children. We believe them to be incredible blessings in our lives. A deep source of joy. We also believe that, if we allow it, God will use them to help us become the people He desires us to be. For before these little blessings we have not had to rely so heavily upon our Lord for those daunting fruits of the spirit...patience, peace....self control.

Little Dude was pretty exhausted from the journey.

Our time in Africa was quite honestly the most challenging experience our family has ever had to walk. Our lives changed instantly and we were jet lagged and without the love and support of a community. Our two littles struggled...understandably. One surrounded by people she didn't know...and constantly sick. The other having had his world completely rocked and in an entirely foreign environment.  We were pushed and stretched and at times very broken. We had an unexpected stay, we had sickness, we had tears. We were incredibly blessed with a few "short term" community members to help comfort us in our brokenness...and share a few McDonald's french fries with. But we deeply missed our community at home.

Coming home has not been without its challenges. Among the expected challenges of international travel with small children and the associated jet lag, we arrived home to a flooded basement, which is thankfully being taken care of as we speak and I missed the funeral of my grandfather (who passed away during our time in Africa). Attaching with a new little when there is already another little in the family has been challenging. Balancing the needs of children challenging. Determining and enforcing the appropriate boundaries...challenging. Although we walk a difficult journey now, I know...when I have had enough sleep, that it is infinately good. That while our family will never be the same...that is an incredible blessing. That while some days may be dark....we are not alone and are blessed by so many hands and hearts to help raise our family.

I know that in writing this there are many families that are anticipating an up and coming trip to South Africa. We are so excited for you. We can't wait to hear your stories, see the pictures of those smiling beauties. I pray that your travel goes smoothly, that your time away is a wonderful time for building and bonding. For laughter and joy....but know this. If it is not, if there are days that you struggle, days that you cry, days when your children melt down and reject you, days that you want to hide somewhere....for a VERY long time. You are not alone. This parenting thing....it's tough.....this adoption thing....it's tough.....but it is good.

Little lady meets some new friends.

I still need a lot of reminding of that and I am thankful for those families who have walked before us to tell us that there will come a day when my son can't remember a time without his sister. That there will come a day when the joyful interactions will be more abundant between them. That there will be a day when meal times aren't like world war three broke out at my dining table and my husband and I will go on a date again. In the same way, I hope that my transparency will act as a hope. For the only thing worse than walking through a challenging season in life....is thinking that you are the only one doing it.


*As an aside we are so thankful to have had Chantel Klassen  http://www.aharvestofblessing.com/photography/ offer to come to the airport to capture our first moments at home. While we were in rough shape we love that these moments were captured for us.

To The Many Who Love Us and Are Awaiting Our Arrival

Dear Family and Friends,

We are so excited to be returning home soon with Ada! We are sending you this letter to answer some questions and provide information that we feel is very important for you to know. (We have found this letter on a number of adoption blog sites. We have adapted it to reflect our family.)

Children who come home through adoption have experienced interruptions in the typical attachment process.  As Ada’s parents and forever family our first goal is to help lay the foundation for her to have secure, long-term, loving, committed relationships.  That foundation is a secure, loving relationship with us as her parents.  When Ada comes home, she will be overwhelmed. Everything around her will be new and she will need to learn not just about her new environment, but also about love and family. Although she was deeply loved in her baby home, she did not experience God’s design for family in this setting. During the first 14 months of her life she did not have the opportunity to attach to us (or to any one individual caregiver). We are essentially starting with Ada at 14 months where we had the opportunity to start with Jake from day one. The best way for us to form a parent/child bond is to be the ones to hold, snuggle, instruct, soothe and feed her. As this repeats between us many times a day over many months, she will learn that we as her parents are trustworthy and reliably meet her physical and emotional needs. Once this important bond is established between us, she will then be able to branch out to forming healthy relationships with our family and friends.

Ada will have, what may seem like, a lot of structure, boundaries and close proximity to us. Please know that these decisions are thoughtfully made choices. We will be doing what we believe is best to help her form a secure, trusting relationship with us as rapidly as possible. Why are we telling you all of this? Because we will actually need you to play a vital role in helping our Ada settle in and lay a foundation for the future. There are a few areas in which you can help us.

For much of the first year, we will be the only ones to hold Ada, give her food, and meet all of her physical and emotional needs. We will not allow anyone to babysit or watch her, not even for a few hours, for a while. Although she has had many loving caregivers in her life, many of these individuals were volunteers who would visit her briefly once a week.  It may take Ada some time to learn that neither we nor she is going anywhere! We know how hard it will be for you in the beginning to not hug and hold her, give her food, or console her when she is upset.  Let us repeat ourselves, especially for our family members. We know how hard it will be for you in the beginning to not hug and hold her, give her food, or console her when she is upset.  We understand that you have waited and anticipated her arrival as much as we have, but we promise you that the reward will be great! Once she is attached to us, she will be able to give love to and receive love from all the other very important people in her life. How long this will take we can’t predict. We are hoping that her bond to us (and ours to her!) will be firmly established within 6 -12 months.

You may see Ada and think she is so friendly and adaptable and adjusting so well because she will happily go to anyone.  Children who have been raised in baby homes, foster care, or orphanages learn to be charming and cute towards adults to have their physical and emotional needs met. Because Ada spent her first 14 months of life in a baby home where there were a few designated, 24-7 caregivers, and a ton of volunteers coming and going throughout the week, she may be prone to attach too easily to anyone and everyone. This may hinder her ability to establish a primary caregiving relationship with us, her parents. We want her to turn to us when she is hurt, hungry, tired or sad, not just the closest adult around. Until she has a firm understanding that we are her family, that we love her, and that we take care of not only her physical needs, but more importantly her emotional needs, we would be so grateful if you direct her to us if you see that she is seeking out food, affection or comfort from you. In time, when she knows that “she’s ours”, we will encourage you to give out plenty of hugs, kisses and snuggles…so don’t worry grandmas, you’re just going to need patience because man o’man is she cute. Until then, waving, blowing kisses or high fives are perfectly appropriate and welcomed! Ada should know that the people with whom she interacts are our trusted friends. We also welcome you to get onto the floor with her to interact and play only asking that you refrain from pulling her onto your lap.

You may also notice that we parent her differently than we parent her brother, Jacob. It may look like we are babying and spoiling her. This is another way to build attachment. In the first several months of a baby’s life, you say “yes” to as many of their demands as is practicable. Yes, I will feed you…yes, I will change your diaper...yes, I will help you fall asleep. Without going overboard, we will be saying yes to as many things as possible so that she knows that she can trust us to meet her needs. There may be things that appear to be age inappropriate such as prolonging bottle feeding throughout the next year and delaying potty training, to name a couple. There is a good chance that she will be strapped to one of us in a carrier for many months while we are in public and around other people until she is comfortable and secure in her new environment. We thought it was important for you to know that there is a method to our parenting madness and we are not just babying or spoiling her.

Now, none of this means that we do not want visitors or that we want to be left alone. Actually the opposite is true. We have spent the last 7 weeks isolated in South Africa and are looking forward to catching up with you all (we miss you guys so much!) We want you to visit. We need you to visit. Jake needs you to visit so that he has someone else to play with other than his mom and dad! However, we ask that you call first and check that it is an appropriate time. For a while we will also try to avoid large groups, crowds, and noisy situations as to not overwhelm Ada.

We want to thank you for the love and support you have already given all of us. We couldn’t ask for a better extended family & circle of friends for our precious daughter, Ada, and our deeply loved son, Jacob. Because of the fact that Ada was living in a loving, nurturing baby home, rather than an orphanage before she entered our life, we are optimistic about her ability to adjust and attach quickly to us. We’d love it if you’d pray for us and her in this process of becoming a family.

Please take a few minutes to read the points listed below. They are from the blog of another adoptive mom. We think she does a wonderful job clearing up and explaining some common misconceptions and thoughts about adoption.

From South Africa with love,

Tim and Erin

Attachment takes time and work.

It doesn't happen overnight. Even if it appears that our child is securely attached to us it may take many months or years and every child and every family bonds differently. Many times we're faking it until we make it but one day we will wake up and realize that we're not faking it anymore and that our love is deep and real.

Parenting an adopted child is hard work and we struggle.

We may tell you that were okay when we're really falling apart. We're worried that if we are honest about how difficult it is that you won't understand and that you'll think we're nuts. Adding a child who may or may not have anything in common with us socially, culturally, biologically or even personality-wise is challenging. Though undoubtedly beautiful and worth all of the struggles, adoption certainly isn't always easy or pretty.

We may discourage physical contact with our child for the first several months that they are home or until we feel like they are securely attached to us.

Please do not insist on holding them, hugging them or having them sit on your lap. Many children who have lived in orphanages and institutions learn to fight for adult attention. Often they can put on quite the show and act like the most friendly, charming child to draw attention to themselves. While it may be cute and though it gives the false impression that they are well-adjusted and confident, it is very important that initially the parents are the only adults who help fulfill these children's need for physical affection. This also teaches healthy boundaries and is a safety consideration since no child, adopted or biological, should feel obligated to have close physical contact with someone that they do not know well.

It is greatly appreciated if you choose your wording carefully, especially around our children.

Yes, these are all our "real" kids (though sometimes it would be nice if all of my kids, adopted and biological, had "off" switches) and, in most situations, you probably do not need to specify whether you are talking about my "adopted kids" or my "biological kids". They are all my kids even if they joined us through different paths.

If you'd like to offer support (meal, help with house cleaning, etc) when an adopted child joins the family, please do even if we don't reach out and ask.

Many of us won't specifically ask for help or tell you what we need. However, I don't know a single adoptive mom who would turn down an offer to have a group of friends tidy/clean her house during those first few weeks at home with a new child. Likewise, coffee and chocolate are most always welcome and might be exactly what a new adoptive mom needs to get through those challenging times of adjustment

Please don't try to get our child to like you the most.

Attachment and bonding are challenging enough without having friends and family slip our children candy, shower them with gifts, offer seconds at meals or encouraging bending and stretching of family rules. We're already working our tails off to get them to like us. With consistency and time they will learn to like you too, I promise.

Be considerate of the types of questions that you ask about our child's background and personal history, especially in their presence and especially if they are old enough to understand.

Would it offend you if someone asked if you have AIDS, if you were abandoned, if your parents were drug users or how your parents died? If so, best not to ask these questions to someone else. We understand that it is normal to be curious and to wonder about the circumstances that led to a child's adoption. However, these are things that we discuss openly in our immediate family but not elsewhere. Our children may or may not choose to divulge more of their personal stories someday when they are older but they are THEIR stories and details to share, not mine.

Sometimes adopted children need to be parented differently than biological children.

We are not spoiling them. We aren't making excuses for poor behavior. Rather, we are parenting a child whose background may be very dissimilar to anything we've experienced. A child who has been abandoned and who has a fear of abandonment shouldn't be sent to time out alone in another room. A child who is still attaching to their adoptive family may need to be firmly held while having loving, affirming words whispered into their ear during a full-blown tantrum. The types of consequences that work for other children might not work for a child who doesn't have the same sense of value of their possessions and who doesn't understand what it means to have privileges. As parents, we must be flexible to help meet the individual needs of our child even if it means that we do things a little differently sometimes.

Parents who have recently added a child through adoption need support, friendship, love and encouragement.

Even if we're somewhat withdrawn and spending a lot of time at home cocooning with our new addition we value your friendships. Please continue to check up on us and to email, text, call or stop by. If you were in our life before we still want you in our life and in the lives of our children!

Please refrain from commenting on our child's appearance (specifically relating to ethnicity/race) in front of him or her.

All children want to feel included and to fit in. Pointing out how dark they are, how differently they look from the rest of us or how unique their hair feels only makes them feel like they stand out more.

Educating your children about adoption and diversity helps my children.

Talking openly about adoption, children who look different than one or both parents and other "nontraditional" family structures helps our children feel accepted and secure at extracurricular activities, church, school and elsewhere in our community.

Our new additions are not celebrities.

We appreciate all of the love and support that we were shown during our adoption process and we know that everyone is excited to meet them. However, taking photos of just our adopted child or pouring attention on them while ignoring our other children is not healthy for anyone. The child who is receiving all of the attention often feels singled out and siblings quickly become resentful.

Please do not tell us how amazing we (parents) are because we have chosen to adopt.

We know that this comment is usually intended as a compliment but our adopted kids are not burdens, charity cases or a community service project to be completed. As parents we gladly invest the time and energy needed to ensure the happiness and well-being of any of our children.

We do not advertise our child's "cost".

If you would like to know how expensive our adoption process was, please ask when our children are not present, call after our kids are in bed or send us an email. Most adoptive families are happy to share our experiences and to provide helpful information but we do not ever want our children to feel like they were bought or that they are commodities.

When the going gets tough please do not ask if we regret our decision to adopt or imply that "we asked for it".

Few people would tell a sleep-deprived mother of a colicky newborn "well, you asked for this" and it would be considered rude to ask a new mother if she regretted her decision to have a baby. Just because something is difficult does not mean that we regret it. There are bumps in the road of every journey.

Even the happiest of adoptions are a result of challenging or difficult circumstances.

Though we like to think of adoption as a "happy ending", birth parents may have made difficult decisions, children may have faced losses and many lives were forever changed. Though most adopted children grow to be happy, well-adjusted adults and though most adoptive families are beautiful and full of love, it is important not to romanticize adoption.

And, most importantly:

No one is perfect.

If you slip and call our biological kids our "real" kids or if you've already asked "What happened to his mother?" we won't hold a grudge. We know that our family is different. We understand that it is impossible to be sensitive and politically correct in every situation all the time. These are ideas and suggestions, not commandments.

A Win for Canada

Congrats Canada! You gained a good one.

For those of you who are following our blog but are not on facebook...I apologize for the delay in this post. On Wednesday Canada gained a great new little citizen. After much prodding, a persuasive call from an MP office, and a whole lot of prayer I was contacted by the CIC office in Pretoria. They "dug" through a pile and found Miss A's papers. Apparently it has been busy there :-) . We are so thankful to have passed this step. We have been in contact with the passport office and they have verified that they have all the necessary documentation to process Miss A's first passport....let's just hope it doesn't make its way into a "pile" that will necessitate any "digging". We have until next Friday to receive the passport and it really feels like we have made some breathing room for ourselves.
Today marked our move to what will hopefully be our last accomodations in South Africa. We have moved inland away from the sea air and sandy beaches. We now find ourselves surrounded by forest with a river running right through the b and b property. The neighbourhood is gated with allows us to move more freely by foot....after all this chocolate "therapy" I could use some walking around.
Miss A has once again become sick. I suppose it is winter around here and much like winter at home...sickness makes its rounds. There is so much going on in her little world it is no doubt that some form of "stress" contributes to this. We are praying that she will get over this before the flights. While in many ways next Saturday can't come soon enough, with the stress of making contact with the high commission relieved we are hoping to make the most of these last days in Africa.

A brief glimpse at sibling love.

Adoption Lamaze

 

My kids are most certainly siblings....

 "Without oxygen...your brain doesn't work properly," a close friend reminded me via text this week. Earlier that day our new friend we will call "the hair dresser" stated that she wanted to write a book entitled "Lamaze for Adopting Parents" as she reflected on all the deep breathing she found herself doing throughout their journey into adoption. All this talk about breathing and functioning. The last few days have been challenging to say the least. There are moments when my brain has not been working. Where perspective has been lost. Where I might have been served well by a little "adoption lamaze".

No citizenship......deep breath
No passport application filed yet......deep breath

....they are even starting to smile that same goofy smile.

Not able to use flight credit to get home.....deep breath
Need to purchase new one way flights.....deep breath
Two more weeks in South Africa.....deep breath

Today is the day we were supposed to start our journey home....about now in fact. Instead, we are here...most of my family sleeping away this rainy South African afternoon...and I am working on processing our new reality for the next couple weeks. We will be here until August 8th. We did, in fact, need to purchase new one way flights home. We will not have as much time to transition to our home life with Tim as we had planned. It's going to be ok regardless. Deep breath.

In the throws of distress some people experience "breath holding". Admittedly I sometimes experience "prayer holding". As though when I need it the most...the breathing and the praying...I forget, get distracted....lose perspective.....and my "brain" stops working. Thank you for the many people this week who have prayed for us, offered that lost perspective, been our brains. We know in our hearts that two weeks is but a blink.....money is but a tool to be used....our papers will arrive....we will come home. Sometimes it is just hard to remember. 

Making Lemonade

Experiencing "winter" in South Africa.

Oh that spoon! It goes everywhere.

Our little family has now been in South Africa for five weeks. It has been a journey marked with incredible blessings....many challenges....and lots of opportunities to grow. We were scheduled to come home on July 25th....only "two sleeps" away. I say "were" because it looks as though our trip has been extended. We have yet to receive Ada's citizenship...and without that we can't apply for her passport. And so, we stay....because we have absolutely no control in this situation. There have been tears shed....many tears. We so badly want to step back onto Canadian soil. To introduce our little girl to those we love. To get our big boy home, near friends to play with, near familiar environment, food, toys....a backyard! We are weary.
Two days ago our social worker here informed us that we will need to stay at least another week, maybe two. Yesterday we were informed that we can stay at our present location....until this Thursday...so the search is on for somewhere else. This morning the travel agent informed us that we won't be able to switch our flights until August 9th...unless we want to pay a change fee that is essentially more than us purchasing new tickets....so we will be purchasing new tickets. Discouraging news.
So we gathered the kids and headed for a great cup of coffee at a cafe we have been frequenting in the mornings. Greeted by smiles from staff who knows us (we essentially are the only ones in there that early in the morning...they are getting to know us.) After our cup of coffee we headed to a hair dresser across the street. She cut the boys hair last week and we found out she had just gotten a call for a little boy to adopt (coincidentally her husband works for a man from Saskatchewan). This morning she gave us the great news that they would be bringing their little boy "Blessing" home in two weeks. More tears...but happy ones.

Exploring the tide pools.

And so....because we can do nothing else, we will make lemonade with these "lemons". Choosing not to fret about where we will stay (because there will always be somewhere). Choosing not worry about extra flight costs (because God has always provided in this journey and Tim is blessed great employment). Choosing to spend our days building sandcastles and waiting. While the tears may continue to come now and then and the days will undoubtedly be with challenges our little girl is ours...citizenship is on the way no matter how long it takes. We will get her passport and we will come home.

For those of you who are praying please continue to do so...here are a few things we could use prayer for:

1) That citizenship and passport come quickly. That we would not have to wait to full time our social worker gave us.

2) That we would find new flights home and new accomodation at a reasonable cost.

3) For Jake's adjustment. He has been having a really hard time. Tim reminded me yesterday that he is completely out of his element. Just as we are having a hard time....he is too but from a three years old's perspective it is a bit difficult to manage. He asks about his friends often and talks about what he is going to show Ada at home (Mama Jean and Papa Ron you are going to be bombarded!) we can tell he is missing home.

4) That Tim and I would have peace and patience...extending much grace to those involved in the process. That we would trust instead of worry, pray instead of be angry and have the wisdom to love those kids God has blessed us with.

When Hello Also Means Goodbye

I have been struggling with this post for a couple weeks. The topic not easy to grapple with. The truth of the matter is our wonderful hello story with our Miss A is also a sad goodbye story for the many who have loved her in South Africa. Our baby has been incredibly loved. Truly loved and cared for. As parents it fills our hearts, we are deeply grateful. From the house mothers who have tenderly cared for her day in and day out, the dedicated volunteers who have supported her providing extra snuggles when hands were full, and the families who have embraced our baby girl as their own a village has certainly raised this child. Welcoming her into their homes, celebrating milestones, truly loving. We are beyond grateful.
Today we had the absolute pleasure of spending the day with a family who has been dear to our little girl. Her South African "family". We played, ate....splashed (oh did we splash). Miss A at home in their arms, enjoying some final snuggles. While my heart is full with this new little love in our family....a part of my heart breaks for the people she leaves behind. Thank you all who have been in our little lady's life. We are blessed by your dedication to serve the babies at Westville. Our sweet baby girl's smile will remind us daily of your care. From the bottom of our hearts we thank you.

Some African Advenures

We have been up to a few things between doctor's visits and trips to home affairs....here is a little peak into the last week at our beach house.

 

 

 

 

Morning walk along the beach.

A boy, his sister....and the spoon....Jacob loves his bunny....Ada loves a spoon...any spoon.

The typical "photo" face....enjoying a babycino....and "smiling" for the camera.

Traversing the river in our Safari Jeep.....the stuff little boy's dreams are made of.

The Safari Wheels

Having fun in the bath....Jake does a great job of distracting his sister during "hair" time.

Dad's exercise routine looks a little different these days.

Safari Jake looking the part...spying out zebra and giraffes....more dreams come true.

Someone is feeling much better these days thanks to a healthy dose of antibiotics.

Home Affairs....the Mysterious Line Up....and a trip to McDonalds

Today was a day. A day filled with cultural experience, a good dose of frustration and a whole lot of love from new friends. As part of our paper work we need to file for a new birth certificate for our sweet girl before we are able to leave the country. To do so means we must visit a home affairs office. Upon arrival at said office this morning we found a line up out the door....to which there was no particularly defined end...after been jostled from point to point...all of which were claimed to be the "end" of the line up we found ourselves at the front. By this point both kids were squirming....almost 100 people filling the office spilling out the door, other babies crying....and a home affairs staff that apparently had no clue what we were doing. It soon became apparent that we were getting nowhere.

Filled to the brim with frustration...in the words of our social worker....the morning's experience was complete "rubbish!" What does any good North American family do with two wailing children? We headed to Mcdonalds. Having learned by this point that while the food is great and the price comparably good in many fine eating establishments in South Africa the service is slower. Romantic if on a date.....potentially catastrophic if dining with kids on limited patience. Consoling ourselves with fast food we decided to try again at another office.

So back to Westville we did go. This is the area where our bed and breakfast for the past three weeks is located. We stopped in for a quick visit hoping to stretch our legs in the back yard of the B and B before heading off to another long line up but were so blessed by our prior host. She was an absolute angel for our family today. Serving us coffee, feeding our son, entertaining our children, providing a play pen for a much needed nap for a little girl. Being our family when we are so far away from our own. She ended up taking me to the office so Tim could stay with the kids somewhere more comfortable....which in the end backfired and required a quick trip back to pick him up. With more waiting, more confusion, more explaining, and a little "persistance" from our South African angel the papers we needed were filed, receipts obtained and we should be on our way to the next step.

Today a reminder that this journey has not and will not be easy...is any journey in parenthood? But, we will be equipped....God will provide. Today His provision came in the form of a South African hostess willing to rearrange her day completely to help some clueless Canadians navigate the South African system.

This little face makes our day more than worth it.

On a similar note, many of you have been asking how to pray. Here are a few things we would love some prayer for:

1) We have yet to receive Ada's citizenship....we would LOVE if it could come this week. We cannot apply for her passport until we receive her citizenship. Passport applications take up to 7 business days. We are booked to come home on July 25th and would really love to do so.....but it is looking a little less likely.

2) As the citizenship aspect is really out of our control pray that we will find the necessary flights and accomodation if needed (i.e. if we need to extend our stay in South Africa).

3) Pray for health for our family. Yesterday we made a visit to a doctor. Ada has been fevering and not really eating much for almost four days. She is now on antibiotics and responding really well. Her fevers have broken and she is smiling and starting to play again. Please pray that the rest of us stay healthy and she continues to get better.

One Tiny Babe and a Lot of Perspective

In many ways our trip to South Africa has been a bit sheltered. We are admittedly staying in quite and affluent neighbourhood filled with swimming pools.....and gates and electric fences (that's a whole other post). We are close to a multitude of shopping centers filled with high end clothing stores, fresh (organic) produce, and parking lots filled with Benz, Jag, and other luxury car models I know nothing about (we would be the family sporting the Toyota Corolla....even here!).
Every now and then we get a glimpse of the real South Africa. In conversations with serving staff on wages....had a conversation with a check out teller who informed us she was paid well (at just over $2 CAD an hour). A seemingly misplaced shanti settlement in the midst of mansions. People begging....everywhere. Poverty, injustice, such striking differentiation between the wealthy and the poor.
This week it hit a little closer to home. A little man at the Westville Baby Home has been sick. At two months old he was admitted last week to the same state hospital Ada was born in. Admitted on the weekend there was no physician to see him....all weekend.... sick enough to be admitted to the hospital but no doctor to see him. He was eventually discharged a few days later....but soon became sick again. This time in the midst of convulsions he was taken to a private hospital. This time seen immediately by a pediatrician and send for a lumbar puncture. This little man was later diagnosed with a type of bacterial meningitis. One that by his age he would have been vaccinated for, but the time at which he was taken for routine vaccination they were out of stock. A little bean, on state medical care.....now facing hearing loss and brain damage due to poor medical care. Had he received the care initially he would be doing much better.
Understandably this hits close to home. Up until last week our baby girl was under state care. Up until two weeks ago she was in this home, being loved and cared for but at the mercy of limited funding for health care, healthy food, etc. This little man born into circumstances he could not control has had his life altered once again grossly by injustice. My heart breaks.
We have two beautiful children. One born into prosperity, one not. Both now given the opportunity to flourish, to access medical care, healthy food, a warm home. Processing this reality, the many children who will not have forever families....is staggering.

Finding our Way in Durban

Cuddling with my kiddos.

Jake the leopard.

Settling in to daily family life in a foreign country has been an interesting process.  We have a home...but it is difficult to really establish a routine or feel truly at home without going a bit stir crazy. With a car we have been able to have a bit more flexibility and have started to explore a bit of Durban. Miss A does a great job of sleeping on the go (and with two naps a day we are thankful for that or we would be stuck at the B and B for most of the day). J does better when we plan an outing for the morning. This morning we took a trip to the Ushaka kids world. Not ready for the full day adventure at the Marine World and Water Park we paid $10 to play in an amazing jungle gym, splash in a spray park, make crafts, meet parrots, and explore a lego pit. J wasn't the only one grateful for a morning of play. When we are feeling a little more adventurous we will check out the dolphins and water park.

Meeting the parrot.

Post nap daze.

Loving the lego pit.

Miss A exploring the spray park.

Jake the pirate.

Some African Wildlife and a Day at the Beach

J staring into the "distance".

Building castles...just minutes before being flooded by waves.

My little family splashing in the waves.

While it may be winter in Durban today was another beach day for the Ehmann family. We may not have gone swimming but there was much running from waves and sand playing (eating) to be had. We strolled along the promenade, watched surfers and skateboarders, enjoyed some ice cream and dreamed what it would be like if this was "winter".....poor girl doesn't know what she is in for :-)

Among other things we have had a few encounters with some African "wildlife" during our stay here. A few morning ago Tim and J found a snake in the garden they were playing in. Not knowing what kind it was they asked a staff member....not a fan of snakes herself they decided it might be of the dangerous variety...it apparently was the right colour. Being the family protector that he his...Tim chased it with a broom stick, flung it on the driveway and fought a hissing snake to its death with a rock. That was about enough of the Ehmann discovery channel for me. We later found out it was probably harmless.....but we will let Tim think otherwise :-)

Miss A loving the beach.

Playing in the sand.

Today on our beach adventures we decided to enjoy a nice lunch on a patio overlooking the ocean. Some monkeys thought it was a good idea too as we were quickly joined by about four of them, running across our patio umbrellas, jumping to nearby trees.....swinging on the bars underneath our umbrellas.....let's just say we managed to find a table inside before our lunch was swiped by these seemingly fearless visitors. We are enjoying our time as a family. There have been some growing pains, as to be expected, but we are doing well, taking lots of time to splash in the Indian Ocean and enjoy our beautiful tropical environment and the many animal encounters we have had.

Some South African Adventures

We have been in South Africa for over a week now. I honestly can't believe that time has gone so quickly. Just like that there are four of us. Our court date was on Thursday and things went really smoothly...so this sweet girl is really truly and Ehmann now. The next four weeks we will just be processing her citizenship documents and passport for our return home. Please pray that this goes smoothly. There has been some new changes to immigration law this month that might cause a few hiccups. We are praying they don't though. 

Our little girl is finally getting over her cold....her momma and big brother have a bit of one but seem to be trooping through it. Dad has dodged the bullet....for now. She is definately coming out of her shell. Lots of giggling and smiling, chasing her big brother around, and singing.....she loves to sing just like our J. It took until Saturday but she finally let Tim hold her...and feed her a bottle. She goes to him now no problem and for the first time he was able to change her this morning.  He was pretty excited. So was mom....takes a bit of the pressure off now and allows some Mommy and J time....which was much needed.

Tim's first chance to feed our little girl.

With the relief of court finished and our sweet girl with us forever, we have had the opportunity for a few adventures. Tim braved it and we have rented a car. He has done a great job of navigating on the other side of the road, dodging pedestrians crossing at random on the highway and driving alongside people with no particular standard of driving. There was a brief moment of concern today when the GPS failed to find the address to our B and B on the way home from the beach....but we managed to figure it out.

The rental car has proven to also be a great source of play. This "driver" is getting ticketed for driving too slow today.

Our little A has come with giggles, some particular food preferences, a beautiful smile and a gorgeous head of hair.....LOTS OF IT! Navigating the ways of her curly mop has been a bit of a challenge. One of the workers at the B and B has been incredibly helpful, providing us with the right comb and multiple suggestions on how to quickly and painlessly detangle in the morning bath. So after many tears and half a bottle of conditioner (in four baths) we now have a system. This morning went considerably smoother and I was able to get two braids in to keep the tangles down for the day.

This picture is entirely deceiving...looks as if this is the best part of her day....don't let it fool you!

Little lady with her locks all combed out.

J has been such a trooper through the last week and a bit. He has had his challenges adjusting to a new sibling, being away from home, and being stuck on the property for a few days. We really are quite proud of how he has done on the whole though. The first few "outings" we have had have been to malls. We have had what has seemed like a constant supply of things to pick up (hair products, passport pictures, groceries, a few items of clothing for Miss A). Even Tim admitted that going to the mall was a joy after being "stuck" on the property for almost a week.....to a preschooler the mall is not a joy.....but he has taken it in stride. While it seems like South Africans love their Nescafe.....we have welcomed a trip to a coffee shop for some real brew. The last one we visited gave both our kids "babyccino's" (i.e. steamed milk)....J thought this was great. Thankfully for the whole Ehmann clan (all of whom do not really like shopping) we have ventured beyond the realm of shopping and visited a local park and zoo (Mitchel Park) and headed to the beach today. It was a beautiful winter day (about 26 degrees celcius)....we saw everything from speedos to wool trench coats (it is winter after all :-)

J and two babyccino's ....Miss A shared hers :-)

No wool coats for this family. Tim and J riding on the water slide at the paddling pools by the beach.

 

 

 Daily life continues to be a hybrid of our normal routine and what has become normal during our stay in South Africa. Getting used to a toddler again has been wonderful but has kept us on our toes. Our little lady is not yet walking independently but she can move fast. J has proved to be helpful in keeping tabs on her in our "cottage". We are served breakfast daily in style and our laundry is done and folded whenever we request it. I might have a hard time coming home.

Miss A is coming out of her shell....and getting into everything!

 

 

I like to pinch his cheeks too....but I am his Momma :-)

I must admit it is taking some getting used to to adjust to some of the cultural aspects in South Africa. The one that has caused the most distress is the more "hands on" approach when it comes to children. J gets pinched on the cheeks on a daily basis (which he hates!) and has even been picked up by a stranger....who was trying to help but sent our preschooler into hysterics! It is hard to explain that they are just being friendly.

 All in all we are adjusting well. Sleeping lots (we often hit the hay shortly after the kids), and starting to explore the world around us. We are loving those sweet moments of bonding as a family and working hard at navigating those more challenging moments of adjustment. We are thankful for this time and the two beautiful children God has blessed us with.

J reading his little sis a bedtime story....it's the one we made for her. He has it memorized :-)