A Fickle Thing

A prairie spring is a fickle thing. It is almost as if the whisper of spring scares it back into hiding. Last week we were blessed with slushy streets and mud puddles. J and I enjoyed splashing and walking without mitts. Sidewalk chalk and bike riding..... ah the whisper of spring. This weekend has brought snow once more but we have tasted spring.  We may not be planting gardens or mowing lawn like many others I know but the eternal presence of winter has been broken. The seasons are changing.

I feel like the same is true for us in this adoption journey. Since the submission of our dossier to South Africa at the beginning of the summer I have felt as though this was something we were moving towards...yet, were far enough off that I never anticipated the call. The other day the phone rang and it was the first time I thought...."maybe this is it." In all reality we might be waiting for months still but I feel as though something has changed in our season of waiting. As if a whisper of hope or true anticipation has arrived. 

We pray daily for our son or daughter in South Africa....with the full realization that it is quite likely that they are born. Being held, being cared for....being loved by someone else. Sometimes the thought completely overwhelms me. With sorrow that I am missing these earliest days of their lives and the sacrifice that another mother is making. With humble gratitude for the people who are offering care and love to our child. With indescribable helplessness as we wait and trust.

An Update

It has been awhile since I have posted....mostly because.....well, there is not much to post about. It is the dead of winter here in the prairies. Although some hopeful meteorologists are dangling the carrot of positive temperatures for the end of the week, I am not so certain I am falling for it.

Our lives have continued with the anticipation of our adoption referral growing. Two weeks ago marked our need to update our first round of paperwork. The three of us headed to the police station to renew our criminal record checks and Interpol fingerprinting. In many ways it marked a milestone in our season of waiting. We are getting closer. I would say until this point I have tried to protect myself from too much excitement. Almost three years of discouraging news has taught me to do so. To not get too excited, to protect from disappointment. By God's grace I think I am allowing myself to grow excited. We are putting the finishing touches on Baby #2's room. We are buying luggage and starting to allow ourselves to talk regularly about our trip to South Africa. I resisted the urge to purchase a pink snowsuit on sale the other day....just in case it is a "sister" we are waiting for (the potential "brother" will privy to the previously loved ones from Jake).  In some ways I am still guarded but with summer plans on the horizon the realities of us becoming a family of four are sinking in.

We love you little one waiting for us. We can't wait to meet you. We pray each night that you would know you are loved, that you would be cared for well, that we would meet you soon!