A Fickle Thing

A prairie spring is a fickle thing. It is almost as if the whisper of spring scares it back into hiding. Last week we were blessed with slushy streets and mud puddles. J and I enjoyed splashing and walking without mitts. Sidewalk chalk and bike riding..... ah the whisper of spring. This weekend has brought snow once more but we have tasted spring.  We may not be planting gardens or mowing lawn like many others I know but the eternal presence of winter has been broken. The seasons are changing.

I feel like the same is true for us in this adoption journey. Since the submission of our dossier to South Africa at the beginning of the summer I have felt as though this was something we were moving towards...yet, were far enough off that I never anticipated the call. The other day the phone rang and it was the first time I thought...."maybe this is it." In all reality we might be waiting for months still but I feel as though something has changed in our season of waiting. As if a whisper of hope or true anticipation has arrived. 

We pray daily for our son or daughter in South Africa....with the full realization that it is quite likely that they are born. Being held, being cared for....being loved by someone else. Sometimes the thought completely overwhelms me. With sorrow that I am missing these earliest days of their lives and the sacrifice that another mother is making. With humble gratitude for the people who are offering care and love to our child. With indescribable helplessness as we wait and trust.

An Update

It has been awhile since I have posted....mostly because.....well, there is not much to post about. It is the dead of winter here in the prairies. Although some hopeful meteorologists are dangling the carrot of positive temperatures for the end of the week, I am not so certain I am falling for it.

Our lives have continued with the anticipation of our adoption referral growing. Two weeks ago marked our need to update our first round of paperwork. The three of us headed to the police station to renew our criminal record checks and Interpol fingerprinting. In many ways it marked a milestone in our season of waiting. We are getting closer. I would say until this point I have tried to protect myself from too much excitement. Almost three years of discouraging news has taught me to do so. To not get too excited, to protect from disappointment. By God's grace I think I am allowing myself to grow excited. We are putting the finishing touches on Baby #2's room. We are buying luggage and starting to allow ourselves to talk regularly about our trip to South Africa. I resisted the urge to purchase a pink snowsuit on sale the other day....just in case it is a "sister" we are waiting for (the potential "brother" will privy to the previously loved ones from Jake).  In some ways I am still guarded but with summer plans on the horizon the realities of us becoming a family of four are sinking in.

We love you little one waiting for us. We can't wait to meet you. We pray each night that you would know you are loved, that you would be cared for well, that we would meet you soon!

Entertaining Angels

The Asante Crew (minus the boys).

There are the things in life that I plan. Those things that I fret about and establish what every possible obstacle might be. The things that I arrange for and rearrange for as if I might be expecting the queen. The events that in the end stress me out because they have been over thought......and then there are those that seem to fall into place without me really realizing. Those times when I say yes without a seeming thought. Sometimes a brief period of panic follows but generally in these circumstances there is no time for panic.

Our basement transformed.

Meal times were a bit more lively this week!

Jacob getting in on the action. He loved having the girls around.

 For the last three nights we have had the incredible privilege to host the girls from the Asante Children's Choir. It wasn't something I planned to do.....yet with less than a week to prepare we had 11 girls from Uganda and 5 chaperones enter our home for three days. I feel like I responded to their plea for last minute billeting without fully thinking about what would be involved.....without attempting to plan out every aspect of what the sudden influx of people in our home would mean. I am saddened to think that if I had, we may have missed out on an incredible blessing. With the help of many willing friends and neighbours beds were created, meals were prepared, grocery trips were made and we excitedly embraced our visitors from afar. It was truly amazing to watch how all our needs for this visit were provided for, in abundance. For three days our house was filled with laughter and singing and many Dutch Blitz games, with prayer and stories, with loving embraces and gratitude for the humble accomodations that were provided. I did not have time to worry about the work of preparing meals or the capacity of my hot water heater. I couldn't dwell on the capacity of our 1000 square foot bungalow. I had committed to share our home and it was time to get to work.

Jacob and his best friend from Uganda. We will sure miss you Miss P.

During their short stay, our family has established heart ties with 16 new friends. We have been humbled by their gratitude and zest for life. Our large group of visitors ministered to our hearts in a truly unexpected way. We have learned much about willingly accepting and serving when God calls. The bedding was provided, the room shared and cozy, the food prepared, the laughter shared all without the time to plan and stew. Thank you Asante Girls for teaching the Ehmann family to share what God has blessed them with. You have humbled us.

-46 and a Pair of T-Rex Slippers

It has been cold in this part of Canada. Perhaps a wee bit of an understatement. At -46 cars protest to start, skin freezes, and in our house forgotten extension cords get broken. There is not much one can do in this kind of temperature except admire the crystal clear sky from the warmth of a home and listen to the constant whirr of the furnace. At least that would be the case in most homes. In ours....there appears to be a T-Rex loose this evening. I have been informed he is mostly friendly. That he only intends to chase and capture the woolly beast that roams our home......affectionately referred to as "Sophie the dog". So while, unless you happen to be a dog, you are safe in your own home, I thought I would advise you of the potential "hazard" in ours.

Ready or Not Here It Comes

Even in this season of waiting there are times when I am simply astounded by how fast time passes. As if I haven't been present in every moment of my life. As if somehow time has been whisked away unbeknownst to me. When did that little bundle we brought home from the hospital learn to dress himself and negotiate bedtime? When did I grow up and get married, start my own family, create my own home? Amazing and sobering at the same time.

Today marks the first day of 2015. The passing of another year.  Truth be told 2014 was a tough one, on many fronts. There were many blessings sprinkled amid the challenges.....many of them coming from the mouth of a small child....but it was laden with struggle, disappointment and discouragement. I am looking forward to a new start. A year of anticipation and hope. A year of growth as a family (in the literal and emotional way). A year to love well, serve well and steep in gratitude. A year of renewal.

For almost a year we had the following verse posted in our bathroom by our sink.
 "Great is his faithfulness; his mercies begin afresh each morning." Lamentations 3:23

While my aspirations for a year lived well, expressing gratitude, acting in service and love are honest I know I will find moments of failure. Moments that I have allowed to slip by or be stolen. Moments of sheer humanness. How great it is to know that I need not wait until 2016 for a redo.....but that it begins afresh each morning. How sweet His mercy. Now the trick is to etch this truth on my heart and not merely frame in by my bathroom sink.

A Confusing Place to Be

Growing up in British Columbia I thought I knew what winter was. I thought I knew what snow and cold was......I was grossly mistaken. Having lived on the prairies for almost 10 years I now know what winter is. It is snow falling (horizontally), it is crisp air (that has the potential to "burn" skin), it is white (for sometimes 6-7 months). This weather requires a special brand of gear and a determined outlook to embrace and enjoy. Please don't misunderstand. I have a special place in my heart for prairie winters (it may be small but it is there). The mornings where hoar frost blankets the outside world. The outdoor rinks filled with neighborhood kids. Afternoons spent cross country skiing and evenings spent cuddled up when the snow is whirling outside. Winter can be wonderful.


It is mid December in the prairies and my 10 years of prairie living have taught me what to expect of winters strong hand by now....and it came. The snow....and lots of it. The freezing temperatures.....and days of it. Yet, to look outside this morning you wouldn't know it. Ladies and gentlemen there is a snowman in my front yard (a rarity with the dry prairie snow) and.......PUDDLES! We have been graced with a lovely warm week perfect for snowman building, fort constructing.....car washing :-) The season we have entered is not what it seems, at least for the moment.

In many ways that is how I feel about our journey in adoption. To be honest how I feel about adoption all together. I thought I knew what adoption was....and now that I am living it I think I was grossly mistaken. Yes, adoption, in many ways, is a wonderful story of redemption. A real and tangible example of our own adoption as God's children. It makes me teary (in a happy way) when I read stories of families being united for the first time. But that happy ending (or beginning), that redemptive uniting of families is not possible without incredible loss. The breaking of a family. In an unbroken world all children would be born into families where they are loved and where their families have the capacity to care for them. Yet, so many children are not. There are many reasons why children are adopted. All of them tragic. All of them associated with loss both for the families who surrender their care of the child and for the child.

 This is a confusing place to be emotionally and cognitively. To be so incredibly excited to welcome home a child through the process of adoption. To hope and dream of our family and yet to recognize that these dreams are not possible without loss. Unexpected sadness in the midst of joy. Unanticipated puddles in the midst of winter. A confusing season.

Phew....that was Close

Adoption....at least that of the international kind, seems to be and endless trek into the world of papers. Forms for applying, forms for confirming, forms for insuring that we are not criminals....medically unfit....or international spies :-) There are forms going out and forms coming in. There are even seemingly illusive forms that even the experts have difficulties tracking down, recognizing or forwarding.

A few weeks ago the final pre-adoption form was received......ladies and gentlemen after four months of waiting it has been confirmed....I am a Canadian citizen. Phew! That was a close one :-) While that last comment may be a bit tongue and cheek....the arrival of this form brings celebration. We are officially waiting....and only for a referral at this point. In the last few months we have been asked many times where we are at with our adoption. After the arrival of this form.....we are officially waiting. Waiting for that little face to grace the pages of an email.

 

Our version of the sibling picture with the positive pregnancy test!

Jake mailing all of our finished paperwork.

(I am sure he appreciates this version of the "expecting" picture :)