A Confusing Place to Be

Growing up in British Columbia I thought I knew what winter was. I thought I knew what snow and cold was......I was grossly mistaken. Having lived on the prairies for almost 10 years I now know what winter is. It is snow falling (horizontally), it is crisp air (that has the potential to "burn" skin), it is white (for sometimes 6-7 months). This weather requires a special brand of gear and a determined outlook to embrace and enjoy. Please don't misunderstand. I have a special place in my heart for prairie winters (it may be small but it is there). The mornings where hoar frost blankets the outside world. The outdoor rinks filled with neighborhood kids. Afternoons spent cross country skiing and evenings spent cuddled up when the snow is whirling outside. Winter can be wonderful.


It is mid December in the prairies and my 10 years of prairie living have taught me what to expect of winters strong hand by now....and it came. The snow....and lots of it. The freezing temperatures.....and days of it. Yet, to look outside this morning you wouldn't know it. Ladies and gentlemen there is a snowman in my front yard (a rarity with the dry prairie snow) and.......PUDDLES! We have been graced with a lovely warm week perfect for snowman building, fort constructing.....car washing :-) The season we have entered is not what it seems, at least for the moment.

In many ways that is how I feel about our journey in adoption. To be honest how I feel about adoption all together. I thought I knew what adoption was....and now that I am living it I think I was grossly mistaken. Yes, adoption, in many ways, is a wonderful story of redemption. A real and tangible example of our own adoption as God's children. It makes me teary (in a happy way) when I read stories of families being united for the first time. But that happy ending (or beginning), that redemptive uniting of families is not possible without incredible loss. The breaking of a family. In an unbroken world all children would be born into families where they are loved and where their families have the capacity to care for them. Yet, so many children are not. There are many reasons why children are adopted. All of them tragic. All of them associated with loss both for the families who surrender their care of the child and for the child.

 This is a confusing place to be emotionally and cognitively. To be so incredibly excited to welcome home a child through the process of adoption. To hope and dream of our family and yet to recognize that these dreams are not possible without loss. Unexpected sadness in the midst of joy. Unanticipated puddles in the midst of winter. A confusing season.